a little summer update
Summer in Central Florida seemed to have started weeks ago despite it recently making its official debut. The humidity and heat make it miserable to be outside anytime between 9AM-6PM, and our tiny, old, poorly-insulated apartment has been working so much overtime to keep us from melting that we purchased a portable fan. It’s definitely helped. The thought that it’d be smart to learn how to keep a home cool if we ever find ourselves in a world without air conditioning has been constantly in the back of my mind (see: my recent Reddit search).
Last Saturday I ventured to the Farmer’s Market, my hair poofing up in from under my hat in protest of the heat and humidity. I’d gone to stop at my usual stops — a food truck that sells Japanese-inspired onigiri (I always order their “Thai Curry Chicken” option) and a tent ran by my friend Benjamin, who sells baked goods. He makes the absolute best blueberry muffins I’ve ever had in my life, so of course I picked one up. I made a point to stop at the local bookstore/coffee shop around the corner, thinking I might find something my dad would like for Father’s Day. I didn’t, but I did talk to the barista who I’ve befriended in recent months. We recently followed each other on Instagram and added each other to our close friends lists. It seems trivial and makes me laugh, but I can’t help but feel a sense of warmth and community from that development.
Today is a week and a day after I initially started writing this. How quickly life goes by never fails to surprise me. Each day started with waking up and getting ready for work, followed by 4 hours at the office, an hour for lunch, and another 4 hours at the office. The usual routine, except for the unusual scheduling of several lunch meetings with friends, potential coworkers, and potential work partners. It was enough to keep things from feeling monotonous, but also enough to keep me from doing anything that was absolutely necessary after work hours when we had any free time (ie, cooking, some cleaning, shower, pack lunch, etc.). We’ve been in a bit of a slump with our evening activities, opting for rest and relaxation rather than trying new things or being productive in that time.
Today I find myself at the shop again, except this time with Joel by my side. We’re both having an “admin day” — he’s working on his resume while I write. We did our grocery shopping yesterday to “make time for our admin tasks” today. Tomorrow we start another work week, so I offered a reminder for us both to make time for something fun.
I’m spending a lot of time reading. For fun! I’ve joined the Sarah J. Maas fan club after reading the A Court of Thorns and Roses series and have since started the Throne of Glass series. I joke about this, but the sentiment is sincere: she singlehandedly made reading fun for me again. Before this, the last book I read for fun was The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, just before the movie was released. I enjoyed that experience a ton, especially considering it had been years since I last read the original series. But the entire ACOTAR series? I felt like I couldn’t read them fast enough. It’s also been a great way for me to connect with my friends who are also reading or have read the same series. I’ve alternated between reading the physical book and listening to the audiobook while cooking, and I’m sincerely praying the fervor of it all stays even beyond the SJM universe. I’ll gladly accept any book recommendations y’all send my way (fiction or otherwise!).
As for music, in the months since posting we’ve seen quite a few artists: Alvvays, Good Morning, and Waxahatchee back in May were all equally incredible. Listening to “Bored in Bristol” at the Alvvays show and “The Eye” at the Waxahatchee show of course left me a teary-eyed mess in the crowd. Just last week Joel and I saw The Japanese House in Orlando and it was the perfect example of a night where everything falls into place at the last minute and you’re reminded of how fucking cool life is. I’ve been listening to The Japanese House since 2017 and have slowly realized just how many songs from their catalog I knew. I’d always considered myself a fan but more a casual listener. Listening to the songs live felt like a long time coming in a way! So strange, again, how time passes so quickly. My friends Sofia and Peter met up with us at the show, an impromptu hang out neither of us knew was happening until an hour or two before we arrived. It was truly the perfect group to spend the evening with. We danced! We laughed! We sang!
Charli xcx’s Brat was released a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been listening to it a lot. One song in particular stuck with me, its lyrics describing a feeling I’m sure most of us can relate to. In the song “Rewind,” Charli wishes for a time before she cared about what people thought of her, where she didn’t pay so much attention to thing like her face shape, her body, the way she’s perceived.
Of course, this feeling doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s nice to hear someone of greater influence sing about struggling with the same issues. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I want to be perceived and whether or not that aligns with who I actually am or want to be. Am I kind? Am I a good friend? A good daughter? A good partner? Do I take up too much space, not making room for others? Do I like the way my body has changed? My face? Does my demeanor translate as confidence or is that delusion? If I change, would that be seen as drastic, not like me?
I suppose that’s what comes with getting older and figuring yourself out. Either way, I care about both more than I’d like.
Of course, since starting to write this, Charli also came out with the “The girl, so confusing version with lorde” single and…omg???
“She believed my projection
And now I totally get it
Forgot that inside the icon
There's still a young girl from Essex”
Trust when I say — I am as emotional as the rest of you are.
On that note, I haven’t been updating the Monday Mixtape. 😭 And I’m sorry. Truth be told, it became more time consuming than I wanted it to. So, instead, I’m going to do a little ~rebrand~ and just update it whenever I feel like it. You can still follow along, and I’m sure I’ll write about a few songs and artists here and there. I’ll add the playlist below, the new “NJM Radio” playlist:
The last thing I want to do is offer more disclaimers as to what this will look like moving forward or make any promises on what I’ll deliver in the future, but here I am making disclaimers! Lol. I don’t know. What I do know is this is a fun outlet for me to share thoughts about life and share my recommendations for stuff and connect with other writers, etc. I’m going to keep it loose goosey for now. I appreciate y’all being here and letting me know when you relate to something I’ve shared.
I don’t know when you’ll hear from me next (could be tomorrow, could be another couple of months from now) but I hope you’re having a nice Sunday, wherever you are. :) I’ll drop in a few more photos from the past couple of months below. Thanks for reading!
-Pam
